*weird*
05.10.2003 at 13:33

It's been weird weekend... I just can't settle!

Health wise, for the last 2 days, I've actually felt better than I have done in a couple of months, I can stay out of bed longer than to pee ;-) I can stand up without feeling the need to keel over and I am getting around a bit more, being able get things myself rather than needing everything brought to me.

I'm feeling quite confused about how I am. Almost as if I am a fraud, that I should be either in bed all the time, or classing myself as "on the mend from my relapse" I'm struggling to find the balance. My head wants to do things, my body is more able but I just don't know how deal with this. I know the scale is only a guide but I look at it today and I see myself as 30% but am I? Or am I just having a good day and tomorrow I'll be back in bed all day? Why is this M.E. malarky so bleeding difficult to understand?

Last night I had a real gut feeling of fear, I felt really scared but I have no idea why or of what.

My friend Lucy is coming to see me today, which is fab! She'll probably only stay a little while but it is still really nice to see her, she is off to Perth tomorrow for a 6 week placement (she's a student nurse at Dundee Uni, just "home" for the weekend) I would love to get in the car with her and go to Luca's for an ice-cream, it's only 2 mins away... (I feel like it's wrong to be wanting to go out, like I should be lying in a dark room)

Maybe it would be worth being in bed for a week, (Luca's ice-cream is that good!) or maybe I am just being silly, thinking I'm better than I am.

Sorry for such a down entry, it should be a happier entry as today is a good day... grrrr @ being ill!!

Love and hugs

Anne xx

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